Practice Saying No

Simplicity. How do you simplify your life to be more manageable and less stressful?

It is not likely to be news to you that we live in a time of unparalleled complexity.

As a tiny example, consider the complexity of your smartphone. How many apps do you have on your phone (actually stop reading and count them)? Do you use folders to organize your apps? How many folders do you have? How many open browser tabs do you have? Check the photo gallery of your phone. Have you used the favorites, the albums, the pictures files, the stories files, the suggested, the recent, and the shared albums? How many apps do you have open right now? Are you aware of, and can you utilize, all the bells and whistles your phone offers?

That's just the complexity of your phone. Now, add your tablet or your Remarkable device. 

Add your computer. Then, add the AI programs you are currently attempting to learn (where are you learning/using them - computer, phone, tablet - all of those?). 

That's just three devices. The complexity of these three devices alone is mind-boggling. 

Then add to those three little aspects of your life wildfires, hurricanes, earthquakes, having to work in the office, working from home, homeschooling, caring for your parents, figuring out how to travel safely, figuring out how to conduct your business with less travel, how to trim your grocery costs, mail-in or in-person voting, the wars going on all over the world, protests against those wars, getting your kids to their sports, school, and friend activities, how to keep your plants alive in the heat, ...and, and.... add your particular circumstances to the mix. It's exhausting. 

Everything requires thinking. The more we have to deal with the non-routine aspects of our lives, and the more options we have for dealing with them, the more complex life is.

We can't always eliminate the non-routine from our lives. Things naturally change, and we need to flex with those changes. However, we can eliminate some of the myriad of options to choose from to simplify life. 

First, we can focus on all the opportunities and requests we receive.

People always ask us to do things (although it doesn't always sound like asking).

You must read this book (watch this movie, listen to this podcast)! Can you read my book and review it on Amazon and Goodreads? How about zoom cocktails on Saturday? Can you click on my page? I'd love a thought partner on this project. We're pulling together a committee, and I'd appreciate your unique perspective. I'm about to jump into your field - can you tell me how you got started? I'm doing a podcast, and I'd love you to be a guest! I'm offering a webinar, and I could use some friendly faces in the audience. Social distancing block party -- can you come??

Fun and interesting things to do. Things to which we'd like to say YES! 

Let's start our simplicity series by talking about saying no.

While most of us are not good at this, some are comfortable saying 'no.' If you aren't one of those lucky folks, read on. 

I saw an article recently that said billionaires say 'no' more often than they say 'yes' (is this because they have more opportunities to say 'yes' than the rest of us?).  According to the article, billionaires are very clear about what they'll say yes to and what they'll say no to.

Are you clear about your 'yeses' and 'nos?' Do you leave ambiguity lying around by not being clear? Unfortunately, being deliberately vague doesn't leave others ambiguous about what you'll do -- it leaves them thinking that you are a 'yes.' If you don't directly say 'no' people treat it as a 'yes'. 

Some of my clients say their issue with saying 'yes' isn't a lack of desire to say 'no' but a lack of skill in saying no graciously.  

If you'd like to play with reducing the complexity of your life, here are a couple of experiments:

1. Say 'no' to one thing each day this week -- something you would have previously said 'yes' to. Notice how that feels and notice what happens when you do that.

2. Observe where and what you say 'yes' to. Make notes of when you say 'yes' and are happy to do so and when you say 'yes' and wish you could have said no.

2. Note how often you say 'yes' and are happy about it, but later your 'yes' becomes a burden. What are the areas in which this happens?

3. Consider how you could offer a 'no' graciously. Design one or two sentences that kindly say no, with no excuses. Create one or two 'no' sentences you would feel good about using. 

Lastly, here's a quote from the author, Ryan Holiday. From his book, Lives of the Stoics: The Art of Living from Zeno to Marcus Aurelius:

We say that our families matter to us. We say that we want to be happy, that we are looking forward to things slowing down, that we love peace and quiet. Yet far too often our choices betray a sadder truth—that we are addicted to obligations, that we lack the stout heart required to deliver bad news and say the dreaded words, “No” and “Sorry, I can’t.”

It takes practice but you can simplify your life and have more time to enjoy the things you love.  

Have fun this week saying NO!